My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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