do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
