I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
