Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
