The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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