So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
