Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
