I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
