he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
