this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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