he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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