i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
