Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
