you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
