Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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