Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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