U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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