I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
