I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
