FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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