Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
