one might say we're banned from that church
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
