brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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