She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
