she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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