Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
