you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
