can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jerry, you need to find god
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
