she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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