dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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