I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
