I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
