I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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