North Korea, Best Korea!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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