I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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