youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
