Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
