My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
