i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
