Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
and you fell through a lawn chair
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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