Will you blow on my dice?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I bet he comes in French.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
