Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
