those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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