i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
