he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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