Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
