I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
