he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
