While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
