I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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