Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
