Cold hands, warm shart.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
