the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
