I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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