I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
