remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
