There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
